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:33 < because im glad youre mostly alright
:33 < and ill do anything i can to make sure that you stay alright
:33 < but i dont want you telling me what to do

I Dont See How "Dont Do Anything That Could Get You Killed" Is An Unreasonable Request
I Would Do Likewise For You But Im Not Available To Ensure It
So You Need To Take Care Of Yourself Before Thinking About How Im Doing
And Maybe Feferi Also

:33 < its not unreasonable
:33 < but you told me that right away without even knowing what exactly i wanted to do beyond not take it and wait
:33 < you just assumed whatever it was itd get me killed because its my plan
:33 < feferi and i will k33p each other safe
:33 < so dont worry about that

Youre Taking This Very Personally When It Isnt
That In Itself Is The Problem
They Dont Care Who We Are
They Dont Care About Our Names Or Our Plans Or Any Of It
They Just Want Us Dead If It May Get Inconvenient For Them To Remain Otherwise

:33 < i know all that
:33 < i figured that out a couple hours after we all got dragged here! im not stupid!
:33 < maybe if you actually gave me a chance instead of just telling me to sit back down youd s33 that i actually know what im talking about when i say things

I Dont Know What You Want From Me
You Asked If There Was Anything You Could Do And I Dont Know That Theres Anything Else To Be Done
Do You Know What My Highest Priority Is Right Now
The Exact Same Answer I Gave You
Staying Alive
That May Honestly Be Our Greatest Challenge At The Moment

:33 < this isnt living
:33 < coming back with nothing but saying that you stayed alive isnt worth it
:33 < i k33p trying to tell you that but you dont want to listen to anything that isnt what youve already decided!
:33 < i want you to stop treating me like a damn wiggler and maybe actually think about my opinions for once!

And What Are We Supposed To Bring Back To The City Other Than Our Lives
What Could Be More Important Than That
Is It Treating You Like A Wiggler To Expect You To Understand How Serious Our Situation Is

You Want Me To Listen Then Give Me Something To Listen To
All Youve Said So Far Is That You Dont Want To Be Patient
That You Can Manage Something Else
If Thats True Then Tell Me What

:33 < i understand our situation just fine
:33 < its just that i havent decided to roll over and play dead like you s33m to love doing!
:33 < we can get information
:33 < we can get answers
:33 < maybe we can even find weaknesses if were really lucky
:33 < all of that is a hell of a lot more important than just going back to the city and pretending that nothing ever happened!
:33 < and i know that you hate when i try to change things that you think have to be the way they are but thats what we n33d to do here!
:33 < this doesnt have to be pointless!!

Is That What This Is About
Because Im Not The One You Should Be Angry At For That
It Isnt Some Imagined Hatred Of Mine That Will Impede Your Efforts
But Unwillingness To Recognize How Precarious This Situation Actually Is

This Isnt The Time For You To Be Headstrong
I Never Said A Word About Pretending This Never Happened
But If You Make An Overt Actions To Break Away And Are Discovered You Will Die
Thats How These People Operate
All They Need Is One Reason So Dont You Fucking Dare Give It To Them
Staying Alive Is Your Main Priority Do You Understand
Everything Else Comes Second And Only If The First Can Be Secured
That Isnt A Request

Remember That Youre The One Wholl Have To Take Care Of Feferi And A Corpse Cant Well Do That
The Rest Of This We Can Discuss Once Weve Returned

:33 < kanaya i dont have to take care of feferi
:33 < feferi is perfectly capable of taking care of herself
:33 < im going to look out for her and help her if she n33ds it
:33 < not because i have to or because she cant
:33 < but because shes my friend and i want to do whatever i can to make sure shes ok
:33 < its not some huge burden that i absolutely cant ignore and have to sacrifice my own goals for!
:33 < but i guess youre still dont understand that because youre so caught up in wallowing in whatever the hell your problem is

:33 < why do you care if i live through this universe anyway?
:33 < its not like youve ever really wanted me to survive where it counts before

[ she was going to say "nepeta you've met feferi" until those last two lines. ]

Dont You Dare Say That
Who Do You Think I Am Nepeta
What The Hell Do You Know About What I Want Or Care About
I Dont Know Who This Idea Of Me Youve Constructed Is But You Arent Talking To Her
But Thanks A Lot For Having The Sense Of Maturity To Give Me Even The Slightest Benefit Of A Doubt
Youre A Real Friend

:33 < ive b33n giving you the benefit of the doubt for a really long time
:33 < even after you decided that you knew better than i did about what i could or couldnt handle about my own future! i really did!
:33 < but i dont think that i was ever really your friend
:33 < i mean im sure you thought you were being a good friend to me! but i was really just another little grub to coddle and corral and wipe the dirt off of
:33 < and im not
:33 < im a person just as much as you are and im tired of trying to be a good friend to someone who doesnt even respect me
:33 < so yeah im done giving you the benefit of the doubt or trying to give any more than you are
:33 < im finished being disappointed

Weve Barely Spoken Since Then
Any Time Ive Tried You Cut It Off As Quickly As Possible
Scurrying Off Like A Squeakbeast Under The Predators Eye
How Can You Say Youve Given Me The Benefit Of The Doubt
Ive Given You Free Reign To Do As You Please For Months And You Act As Though Im Smothering You
You Were Supposed To Be Helping Me To Hold Things Together
I Cant Do That On My Own Nepeta

:33 < i didnt want to talk with you because i had a f33ling that this would happen
:33 < and i guess i was right
:33 < i could come and go whenever i wanted to but you held all of the important stuff away from me unless i forced it out of you
:33 < and i cant help you hold anything together when i dont even think you really believe that i can do anything
:33 < i cant even help you hold yourself together!
:33 < i thought maybe youd really get better after getting ported out but youre just doing the same stuff again and again and i cant fix that
:33 < i shouldnt have to fix that
:33 < and you cant expect people to even want to after you treat them like this!

You Can Say You Wouldve Had To Force It When You Never Even Tried Something So Simple As Asking
I Know I Made The Mistake Of Not Telling You Sooner About Your Death
But How Have I Treated You As Incapable Since
Ive Hardly Been Given Opportunity To Treat You Any Way At All

:33 < i asked about my future
:33 < and look how that turned out
:33 < you didnt even want to hear a word i said about it, you just shut me down
:33 < and id b33n noticing that sort of thing for a while before we talked about me dying
:33 < so after that i really didnt want to try anymore
:33 < nothing ever changed except to get worse

But Thats Just The Way Things Are
There Will Be Limitations That Are Beyond Us
If I Were Coddling You Like You Accuse Me Of Id Have Let You Accept That Lie
But You Deserve The Truth
Especially After Id Made The Mistake Of Withholding Another Truth For So Long
Truth Is Often Unkind But We Have To Be Strong Enough Ourselves To Meet It
And You Are A Very Strong Troll Nepeta

:33 < that isnt the truth
:33 < thats you believing that something is impossible to change and not even wanting to think about the possibility that maybe youre wrong
:33 < its you telling someone that they just have to accept that theyre going to die
:33 < if im so strong then why couldnt you have maybe believed in me just this once?

Because This One Is Beyond Us
I Dont Mean It As Anything Against You Personally
None Of Us Can Conquer It And There Have Been Those Who Have Tried
Not Even Your Prior Iterations
I Didnt Say It Would Be Easy To Accept
Or That You Would Have To Do So Alone If You Didnt Want To
But I Dont Know What Else I Can Say To It

:33 < you dont know that
:33 < you cant possibly tell me that in the million billion little twists and turns of paradox space that there isnt some way that i can avoid that
:33 < you just cant
:33 < and its not fair of you to expect me to do that!

If There Is One I Havent Yet Found It
Nepeta I Want It To Be True Just As Much As You Do
The Idea That We Can Go Back And Fix Everything Before Our Own Actions Sour It Is A Tempting One
But Its Also An Empty Fiction

:33 < just because you say it is doesnt make it true
:33 < and if you want it to be true so badly then why dont you believe that maybe i can actually do it!?
:33 < what is so horrible to you about thinking that im capable of accomplishing something big?

Nepeta This Isnt About A Lack Of Belief In You
I Think Youre Capable Of A Great Many Things
But Not This
This Is Something That Simply Cannot Be Done
And Belief On Its Own Isnt Going To Make Truth Of A Falsity
No Matter How Much We May Wish It Would

:33 < but you dont know that for sure
:33 < no one does
:33 < so why are you so set on telling me theres no way ill ever do it?
:33 < is it because you couldnt?

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