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Karkat Vantas is halfway through his fourth sweep when the migratory patterns of antlered hoofbeasts turns his life on its ear and gives it a good kick in the rear.
It is a particularly temperate night in spring, one which would calm anyone else - instead it just makes him all the angrier that he can't frolic in his own lawnring like a dumbass. He's intent on giving the night no satisfaction and remaining steadfastly glued to his husktop, but a noise reluctantly draws him to a window to check that it's nothing which requires his immediate attention.
It is, albeit in a more trivial way than he was expecting. Seemingly from nowhere an entire herd of hoofbeasts have wandered into his lawn, contentedly grazing on his well-cultivated grass. Their presence isn't completely surprising; around this time the herds begin moving from one side of the planet to the other, often passing by this area.
Expected or not, Karkat isn't about to allow them to make a meal of his property. Grumbling incoherent curses under his breath he pulls a sickle from his specibus and makes his way downstairs, intent on frightening the stupid animals into running off to torment some other poor sap.
The trip to his back door doesn't take more than a minute, and then he's slamming it open and stomping out with a sickle raised and righteous irritation in his mind. So great is his fixation on driving away the hoard of freeloaders mooching off his desire to have a presentable hive that it takes several seconds for him to realize the chaos unfolding in front of him.
During his brief moment of distraction a small gray blur had leapt out from the cover of nearby bushes, plunging into the mass of peacefully grazing hoofbeasts. Before his eyes it slashes open the throat of a hoofbeast too slow to bolt away from the intruder, metallic claws flashing in between spurts of blood. Karkat can feel the bile rising in his throat and attempts to stifle it, letting out a strangled choking sound in the process.
The noise is slight but the figure in his yard apparently hears it. It stills atop the massive corpse in a wild half-crouch, finally allowing him to focus on it long enough to realize that it's a troll somewhere around his age rather than some horrifying fauna stalking the herds. The girl is small, slim, and (he realizes belatedly with a shrill sound of dismay) completely naked. Her gold eyes watch him warily from behind a fringe of hair that manages to look all the more untamed for its rough hackjob, more curious than anything else.
As is typical in times of unforeseen stress, Karkat's mouth runs away with him before his mind can catch up and impose common sense upon it. He begins to babble, sickle bobbing up and down as he gesticulates frantically to no one in particular.
"I can't believe this. The universe has finally decided to take the ultimate shit on the sorry excuse that is my life and dumped a legitimately feral troll right in front of my hive. What the fuck am I supposed to do with this? Wave a steak in front of its face and hope that it runs off before I become the next item on the fresh meat special? I hope that whoever decided that this is appropriate thanks for wanting to live in something barely approaching a respectable lawnring has a rusty culling fork shoved up their seedflap and twisted repeatedly."
He inhales sharply with every intention to continue his anxiety-riddled oratory when the source of his sudden onset of verbal diarrhea decides to cut in, hands on her hips.
"Hey, I'm right here! I can hear everything you're saying, stupid!"
The interjection is enough to remind Karkat that he's having a conversation rather than a monologue; the fact is enough to calm him down to the point of semi-rational discussion. He levels an accusatory figure at the other troll, tone harsh and dismissive.
"I am not taking any insults thrown at me from the spastic queen of the jungle, thank you very much. Between the two of us I come out far and away the obvious winner, so if you don't want to be torn apart in the gale force winds of my intellectual mastery you better sit down and shut the hell up."
The girl pauses a moment to ingest what's been thrown at her before bursting into laughter, sliding down to sit on the corpse and avoid falling off it thanks to the strength of her mirth. It's not the reaction that he was looking for by any stretch of the imagination, and all she earns for it is an even deeper scowl.
He's about to really tear into her for that when the scenery around them suddenly lightens and prompts him to look away from the confrontation to the sky. Karkat lets out a low curse at what he sees; this ridiculous encounter has sapped up the remaining moments of nighttime and propelled them straight into dangerous territory.
When he turns back to the girl her face makes it plain that she's noticed the grievous error in timing they've made as well. It doesn't take a genius to infer that wherever this troll came from, it wasn't particularly nearby - she'd never make it back to her hive before the sun rose proper and incinerated her.
Not that it was Karkat's problem. What did it matter to him if some crazy wild girl got burned up because she hung around to make fun of him after a hunt?
The excuse holds up in his mind for all of six seconds and soon enough he's sighing in defeat and motioning to the still open door with his head.
"All right, all right. Get the fuck in here."
"What about Pounce?"
"Pounce? The hell is a - you know what, I don't want to know. Pounce can come too."
The sun is rising in earnest now, leaving him no more time to check on his sudden hiveguest. With one last impatient gesture Karkat turns on his heel and rushes back into the safety of his hive, taking the slamming of the door behind him soon after as a sign that the girl had managed to collect whatever a Pounce was in time to rush for shelter. He continues striding into his kitchen, talking to the figure he presumes is behind him as he returns his sickle to its slot in the specibus.
"Before you shuffle a single grimy digit of yours further into my hive we're going to have to set down some ground rules. Just because you're only staying for a day doesn't mean that there isn't oh holy shitslurping fuck no that is definitely not staying here."
The cause for the mid-sentence topic shift is a massive feline which comes into Karkat's line of sight as he turns, sitting next to Nepeta and looking far too pleased for its own good. His vehement protests as to its taking up residency in his hive don't seem to dampen its smug cheerfulness, perhaps due to its faith in a double row of sharp fangs ensuring it a place to sleep.
Eying the teeth warily, Karkat is mentally inclined to agree with it.
"Of course Pounce is staying here! You told me she could come in." the girl protests, crossing her arms with a mighty frown.
"I didn't think it was going to be - whatever, keep your mangy furball for all I care. Just don't be surprised when I punt it through the nearest window after it hacks up its last meal on my carpet."
The indignity of the grumbled acquiescence only deepens as the giant cat lets out a yowl of approval and pads over to rub itself lovingly against his legs. The strength and size of her is enough to almost make Karkat stumble over himself, leading to a muffled curse and attempts to shake the damned thing off.
He can hear the other troll stifling more giggles as she follows him into the living room.
Halfway through their trek Karkat can't bear it anymore and stops the impromptu caravan, pointing firmly at the floor in front of the girl.
"I'm going to be right back. You stay right here and don't touch anything or so help me I will throw your ungrateful ass back into the sun and craft a symphony from the agonized screams I hear afterward."
The only response he receives is an overly dramatic eyeroll (being insufferably sassy is apparently genetic rather than a learned trait) which he takes as an affirmation. Making a small noise of approval at her obedience he turns tail and dashes up the steps to his room as fast as his legs can carry him.
He skids to a halt only upon reaching his closet, the doors of which are thrown open with the embarrassed energy of a young boy left alone with an unclothed member of his species for the first time in his life. The girl didn't even seem to be particularly bothered by it, which conspired to make his own discomfort all the worse.
Actual articles of clothing he wears are brushed past rapidly; Karkat is simply searching for something to cover her up with, not a new fall fashion ensemble. Eventually he pulls an olive trenchcoat from the very back of his closet, pausing for a moment to look it over. The coat isn't his - it had been owned by a troll he'd been relatively cordial with who'd lived a few hives down from him.
He'd been asked by him to hold some possessions while he made the trek to confess to a highblood he'd been flushed with for perigees; the troll had never returned, presumably killed by the object of his affections. Most of the other things Karkat had been left with had been thrown out long ago, but somehow this coat had managed to hang around. Maybe it had been waiting for a new owner.
Karkat jerks himself out of the unwanted reminiscing and crumples the coat in his hand, slamming the closet shut with unnecessary force. He should probably get downstairs before the girl tried to piss on his couch or something equally disgusting.
She's behaved herself surprisingly well in his absence, having only moved a few feet from the designated spot to stare at his bookcase by the time he pounds back down the stairs. Karkat tosses the coat at her face before she can say anything, stoutly ignoring the sounds of protest she makes from underneath the fabric.
"Put that on and keep it buttoned. I don't care if it's too long for you or Her Imperious Condescension crashes in through the roof and demands the damn thing as tribute, you keep that thing on for as long as you're here. Got it?"
"Ok, although I don't really see what the purroblem is..."
Cat puns. She would use cat puns, wouldn't she? Karkat sighs deeply and tries to ignore the pounding vein in his head as the other troll slips into the trenchcoat and mercifully buttons it up. Only then does he feel safe enough to actually look at her when he speaks, finally allowing him to notice the book she's clutching in one hand.
"You're into romance novels? I didn't know wild douchebags had time to pick up a decent book in between ripping the throats out of everything with a pulse."
"What are you talking about?"
"The book you're holding in your own grimy hand. What the fuck else would I be talking about?"
Karkat is met with nothing more than a flat stare, an action which he unconsciously mimics for a few moments. It takes him approximately that long to realize that someone following migratory animals in their wriggling day suit is probably not going to be able to read, let alone appreciate cultured works such as The Troll Notebook. It's a stupid enough mistake to make him want to slap himself in the face several times.
"How the hell have you avoided being culled for this long? This is nearing legendary levels of stupidity and I hope you know that. I guess that's one more unnecessary problem I'm going to have to fix tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?" Her face perks up, this time in hopefulness.
"Yeah, tomorrow. My thinkpan's not rotted out enough to try and teach you the intricacies of reading without a good day's sleep to steel me. Go find somewhere to curl up and enjoy your last few hours of complete ignorance before I completely eradicate it."
With a huff Karkat makes to ascend the stairs again, stopping only to cast a withering glance down at the dozing Pounce.
"For the record I blame you for this entire debacle."
The lusus merely purrs contentedly at him, prompting an incredibly mature huff from Karkat before he climbs upstairs for the last time in the day.
The girl falls asleep next to the warm fur of her lusus, lulled into unconsciousness by the sounds of Karkat arguing viciously with his own over the unexpected visitors.
In the nights that follow (days in plural, despite Karkat's insistence every morning that this is the last one) Karkat learns several things about his guest - she does in fact possess a name and that it is Nepeta, his clothes are just a little too big for her, and she isn't as dull as he'd initially assumed.
Karkat supposes that the final discovery isn't particularly shocking; she'd have to be reasonably clever to learn anything from the likes of him. Although he does his best to remain calm, it's far too easy for him to become irritated with any difficulty she encounters on her path to literacy and descend into frothing rage. Fortunately sometime during the second day of this Nepeta develops a remarkable penchant for ignoring him and continuing to scrawl out lines of letters, resulting in a strangely tranquil atmosphere despite the vitriolic diatribes.
Their current lesson is devoid of such antics so far, a rare event which indicates that the rest of the night ought to be fairly peaceful. Nepeta has finally moved on to learning words, a miracle which Karkat praises up and down as the second coming of Troll Will Smith himself. To celebrate this momentous occasion he's tasked her with mimicking simple sentences written out in the ratty gray notebook that's been serving as their blackboard.
"Next one: 'I love you.'"
"I love you." Nepeta repeats, just a little too sincerely to be a simple confirmation of his request. Karkat misses both this and the adoring look she shoots his way, too busy viciously circling penmanship mistakes she's made.
She doesn't echo any of his sample sentences again, and the lesson continues on in relative silence.
"Hey, get up. Time for you to stop mooching off me like some kind of sentient parasite and gallop back to whatever shithole you came from on all fours."
Nepeta ignores the command initially, preferring to roll over and nuzzle her face into Pounce's fur instead. When Karkat begins nudging her unkindly in the ribs, however, she finally makes a displeased noise and sits up, if only to give him a sullen look.
"Don't give me that look. I've been retarded enough to let you overstay your welcome by an entire week, you've got absolutely nothing to be upset about."
"I know that! But that doesn't mean you need to be so grouchy about it."
He makes a scoffing noise at that and turns around to fiddle with something on the couch; with the opportunity wide open Nepeta makes the most of it and pulls an extremely obnoxious face at his back in protest of her rude awakening.
"Shit like this is exactly why I'm not going to miss your sorry carcass when it finally clears out of here. But just to make sure you never come back I'm going to stoop to pathetic levels of dumbassery and bribe you."
Items are being tossed at Nepeta's head before the speech is even over, although luckily the heavier members of the group land in her lap rather than connect with her skull. She pulls what seems to be another shirt off her horns and holds it up curiously - the symbol on this one is one she'd recognize anywhere.
"I'm letting you keep the pants and coat because they're shit anyway, but if you think I'm going to let you cavort around with my sign while you're slicing up your next throw rug you're even more mentally handicapped than I'd thought. So put on the one with your own goddamn sign and I'll burn the shirt you've been wearing after you leave."
It's a touching gesture, especially considering the time-consuming discussion that explaining what the hell a symbol was in the first place had been. Nepeta clutches the shirt to her chest, intending to thank Karkat for the unexpected generosity. However, she only manages to spit out a single syllable before she's railroaded - it seems that her bribe inventory hasn't been completed just yet.
"Not to say that you aren't completely ass-backwards as it is, which is why I'm giving you what's probably the first real piece of technology to grace your blood-soaked hands. There's even a note taped to the back on how to use it in nice small words because I'm so damn gracious like that. I even set up a Trollian handle for you so you could avoid branding yourself with something idiotic like feralTrollgirl."
He crosses his arms over his chest, clearly satisfied with the stellar job he's done in ensuring that her shadow will never darken his doorway again. Nepeta is silent for a moment, turning the tablet over in her hands a few times.
Before he can say anything else she leaps up with unexpected speed and captures in a hug far too vigorous for someone of her stature, eliciting enraged shouts from him as she nuzzles into his shoulder.
"Thank you thank you thank you, Karkat! I'll take supurr good care of efurything, I purromise."
The joyful outburst continues until Karkat manages to pry her off of him, shoving just a little more violently than is really necessary. It doesn't do much to diminish her good mood, even when he points angrily to his door.
"Guess what asshole, you just used up your very last goodbye point! That means you receive the default prize of get the fuck out of here right now, congratulations!"
With one last giggle Nepeta finally acquiesces and trots out the door, Pounce languidly following behind her after giving their host one last unwanted leg rub. She reaches down to scratch her lusus behind the ears, impervious to the ridiculously loud slam resounding behind them.
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] --
CG: HEY.
CG: ALTERNIA TO CATGIRL, THE DINGING SOUND OF YOUR COMPUTER MEANS PRETEND TO BE A NORMAL TROLL AND CHECK YOUR MESSAGES.
CG: IT'S BEEN THREE DAYS, YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY LIVE SO FAR AWAY THAT YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN BACK TO YOUR OWN HIVE BY NOW WITHOUT BEING DISTRACTED BY AN ESPECIALLY COLORFUL BUTTERFLY AND FOLLOWING IT RIGHT OFF A CLIFF.
CG: IF THE REASON YOU AREN'T ANSWERING IS BECAUSE YOU'VE BROKEN THE DAMN COMPUTER ALREADY I'M GOING TO HUNT YOU DOWN MYSELF AND BEAT YOUR SKULL IN WITH THE STUPID THING.
CG: THERE WILL BE A TABLET-SHAPED DENT IN YOUR HEAD FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE TO ALWAYS REMIND YOU NOT TO MISTREAT MODERN TECHNOLOGY.
CG: IT WILL BE A MARK TO OTHERS NOT TO BE AS MIND-NUMBINGLY INSENSITIVE TO THE RARE GENEROSITY OF OTHERS SO THEY CAN SAVE THEMSELVES FROM A SIMILAR FATE.
CG: NEPETA COME ON, WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR DEAL.
CG: JUST ANSWER ME ALREADY.
AC: :33 < oh my god you were purretty worried werent you!
CG: WHAT
CG: NO
CG: FUCK NO I WASN'T WORRIED, I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU DIDN'T GET CULLED A FEW FEET FROM MY HIVE. IT'D BE PRETTY EMBARRASSING TO HAVE THAT KIND OF SHIT JUST HANGING AROUND.
CG: ALSO COULD YOU HAVE PICKED A MORE OBNOXIOUS QUIRK? I CAN PRACTICALLY HEAR THAT STUPID LUSUS YOWLING EVERY TIME YOU REPLY.
AC: :33 < pounce says hello to you too, h33h33! she misses you already
AC: :33 < but ok ok you werent even a t33nsy bit worried
AC: :33 < im here and im purrfectly alive! i was just busy making room fur my latest kill
AC: :33 < its kind of impawsible to do that and pay attention to the computer, sorry
CG: TYPICAL. I DON'T KNOW WHY I THOUGHT OTHERWISE, REALLY.
CG: GREAT TO KNOW YOU MANAGED TO DEFY THE EVOLUTIONARY ODDS AND ACTUALLY MAKE IT BACK TO YOUR HIVE, I GUESS.
CG: NOW THAT I'VE AFFIRMED THAT YOU HAVE NO REASON AT ALL TO EVER TROLL ME AGAIN.
CG: THERE IS LITERALLY NOTHING WE COULD EVER NEED TO SPEAK ABOUT THAT WOULD BE MUTUALLY IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO INITIATE ANOTHER CONVERSATION.
CG: BUT I DID FILL YOUR CHUMP ROLL WITH THE TAGS OF SOME DOUCHEBAGS THAT I ALREADY KNOW SO YOUR COMPUTER TIME ISN'T TOTALLY SPENT ON REFLECTING ABOUT HOW MUCH OF AN ISOLATED CRAZY YOU ARE.
CG: YOU SHOULD GO BOTHER CENTAURSTESTICLE FIRST, I BET HE'D GET A REAL BIG KICK OUT OF YOU.
AC: :33 < purrhaps i will!
AC: :33 < im sure that whoefur youre furiends with must be purretty fun to talk with if they can k33p up with you!
AC: :33 < i just hope theyre not all as grumpy xDD
CG: UGH. NOT EVEN THREE MINUTES INTO THIS CONVERSATION AND THOSE HIDEOUS PUNS ARE ALREADY PUNCHING MY OCULAR GLOBES LIKE I INSULTED THEIR LUSUS.
CG: I'M GOING TO GO DO SOMETHING MORE INTERESTING AND POUND MY FACE INTO THE CLOSEST WALL A FEW TIMES.
CG: DON'T GET KILLED ON YOUR NEXT HUNT, I GUESS? OR WHATEVER IT IS YOU DO OUT THERE.
AC: :33 < h33h33 alright karkat, ill talk with you again soon!
AC: :33 < (which is defurnitely going to happen, i'm pawsitive)
CG: WHATEVER.
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] stopped trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] --
It is a particularly temperate night in spring, one which would calm anyone else - instead it just makes him all the angrier that he can't frolic in his own lawnring like a dumbass. He's intent on giving the night no satisfaction and remaining steadfastly glued to his husktop, but a noise reluctantly draws him to a window to check that it's nothing which requires his immediate attention.
It is, albeit in a more trivial way than he was expecting. Seemingly from nowhere an entire herd of hoofbeasts have wandered into his lawn, contentedly grazing on his well-cultivated grass. Their presence isn't completely surprising; around this time the herds begin moving from one side of the planet to the other, often passing by this area.
Expected or not, Karkat isn't about to allow them to make a meal of his property. Grumbling incoherent curses under his breath he pulls a sickle from his specibus and makes his way downstairs, intent on frightening the stupid animals into running off to torment some other poor sap.
The trip to his back door doesn't take more than a minute, and then he's slamming it open and stomping out with a sickle raised and righteous irritation in his mind. So great is his fixation on driving away the hoard of freeloaders mooching off his desire to have a presentable hive that it takes several seconds for him to realize the chaos unfolding in front of him.
During his brief moment of distraction a small gray blur had leapt out from the cover of nearby bushes, plunging into the mass of peacefully grazing hoofbeasts. Before his eyes it slashes open the throat of a hoofbeast too slow to bolt away from the intruder, metallic claws flashing in between spurts of blood. Karkat can feel the bile rising in his throat and attempts to stifle it, letting out a strangled choking sound in the process.
The noise is slight but the figure in his yard apparently hears it. It stills atop the massive corpse in a wild half-crouch, finally allowing him to focus on it long enough to realize that it's a troll somewhere around his age rather than some horrifying fauna stalking the herds. The girl is small, slim, and (he realizes belatedly with a shrill sound of dismay) completely naked. Her gold eyes watch him warily from behind a fringe of hair that manages to look all the more untamed for its rough hackjob, more curious than anything else.
As is typical in times of unforeseen stress, Karkat's mouth runs away with him before his mind can catch up and impose common sense upon it. He begins to babble, sickle bobbing up and down as he gesticulates frantically to no one in particular.
"I can't believe this. The universe has finally decided to take the ultimate shit on the sorry excuse that is my life and dumped a legitimately feral troll right in front of my hive. What the fuck am I supposed to do with this? Wave a steak in front of its face and hope that it runs off before I become the next item on the fresh meat special? I hope that whoever decided that this is appropriate thanks for wanting to live in something barely approaching a respectable lawnring has a rusty culling fork shoved up their seedflap and twisted repeatedly."
He inhales sharply with every intention to continue his anxiety-riddled oratory when the source of his sudden onset of verbal diarrhea decides to cut in, hands on her hips.
"Hey, I'm right here! I can hear everything you're saying, stupid!"
The interjection is enough to remind Karkat that he's having a conversation rather than a monologue; the fact is enough to calm him down to the point of semi-rational discussion. He levels an accusatory figure at the other troll, tone harsh and dismissive.
"I am not taking any insults thrown at me from the spastic queen of the jungle, thank you very much. Between the two of us I come out far and away the obvious winner, so if you don't want to be torn apart in the gale force winds of my intellectual mastery you better sit down and shut the hell up."
The girl pauses a moment to ingest what's been thrown at her before bursting into laughter, sliding down to sit on the corpse and avoid falling off it thanks to the strength of her mirth. It's not the reaction that he was looking for by any stretch of the imagination, and all she earns for it is an even deeper scowl.
He's about to really tear into her for that when the scenery around them suddenly lightens and prompts him to look away from the confrontation to the sky. Karkat lets out a low curse at what he sees; this ridiculous encounter has sapped up the remaining moments of nighttime and propelled them straight into dangerous territory.
When he turns back to the girl her face makes it plain that she's noticed the grievous error in timing they've made as well. It doesn't take a genius to infer that wherever this troll came from, it wasn't particularly nearby - she'd never make it back to her hive before the sun rose proper and incinerated her.
Not that it was Karkat's problem. What did it matter to him if some crazy wild girl got burned up because she hung around to make fun of him after a hunt?
The excuse holds up in his mind for all of six seconds and soon enough he's sighing in defeat and motioning to the still open door with his head.
"All right, all right. Get the fuck in here."
"What about Pounce?"
"Pounce? The hell is a - you know what, I don't want to know. Pounce can come too."
The sun is rising in earnest now, leaving him no more time to check on his sudden hiveguest. With one last impatient gesture Karkat turns on his heel and rushes back into the safety of his hive, taking the slamming of the door behind him soon after as a sign that the girl had managed to collect whatever a Pounce was in time to rush for shelter. He continues striding into his kitchen, talking to the figure he presumes is behind him as he returns his sickle to its slot in the specibus.
"Before you shuffle a single grimy digit of yours further into my hive we're going to have to set down some ground rules. Just because you're only staying for a day doesn't mean that there isn't oh holy shitslurping fuck no that is definitely not staying here."
The cause for the mid-sentence topic shift is a massive feline which comes into Karkat's line of sight as he turns, sitting next to Nepeta and looking far too pleased for its own good. His vehement protests as to its taking up residency in his hive don't seem to dampen its smug cheerfulness, perhaps due to its faith in a double row of sharp fangs ensuring it a place to sleep.
Eying the teeth warily, Karkat is mentally inclined to agree with it.
"Of course Pounce is staying here! You told me she could come in." the girl protests, crossing her arms with a mighty frown.
"I didn't think it was going to be - whatever, keep your mangy furball for all I care. Just don't be surprised when I punt it through the nearest window after it hacks up its last meal on my carpet."
The indignity of the grumbled acquiescence only deepens as the giant cat lets out a yowl of approval and pads over to rub itself lovingly against his legs. The strength and size of her is enough to almost make Karkat stumble over himself, leading to a muffled curse and attempts to shake the damned thing off.
He can hear the other troll stifling more giggles as she follows him into the living room.
Halfway through their trek Karkat can't bear it anymore and stops the impromptu caravan, pointing firmly at the floor in front of the girl.
"I'm going to be right back. You stay right here and don't touch anything or so help me I will throw your ungrateful ass back into the sun and craft a symphony from the agonized screams I hear afterward."
The only response he receives is an overly dramatic eyeroll (being insufferably sassy is apparently genetic rather than a learned trait) which he takes as an affirmation. Making a small noise of approval at her obedience he turns tail and dashes up the steps to his room as fast as his legs can carry him.
He skids to a halt only upon reaching his closet, the doors of which are thrown open with the embarrassed energy of a young boy left alone with an unclothed member of his species for the first time in his life. The girl didn't even seem to be particularly bothered by it, which conspired to make his own discomfort all the worse.
Actual articles of clothing he wears are brushed past rapidly; Karkat is simply searching for something to cover her up with, not a new fall fashion ensemble. Eventually he pulls an olive trenchcoat from the very back of his closet, pausing for a moment to look it over. The coat isn't his - it had been owned by a troll he'd been relatively cordial with who'd lived a few hives down from him.
He'd been asked by him to hold some possessions while he made the trek to confess to a highblood he'd been flushed with for perigees; the troll had never returned, presumably killed by the object of his affections. Most of the other things Karkat had been left with had been thrown out long ago, but somehow this coat had managed to hang around. Maybe it had been waiting for a new owner.
Karkat jerks himself out of the unwanted reminiscing and crumples the coat in his hand, slamming the closet shut with unnecessary force. He should probably get downstairs before the girl tried to piss on his couch or something equally disgusting.
She's behaved herself surprisingly well in his absence, having only moved a few feet from the designated spot to stare at his bookcase by the time he pounds back down the stairs. Karkat tosses the coat at her face before she can say anything, stoutly ignoring the sounds of protest she makes from underneath the fabric.
"Put that on and keep it buttoned. I don't care if it's too long for you or Her Imperious Condescension crashes in through the roof and demands the damn thing as tribute, you keep that thing on for as long as you're here. Got it?"
"Ok, although I don't really see what the purroblem is..."
Cat puns. She would use cat puns, wouldn't she? Karkat sighs deeply and tries to ignore the pounding vein in his head as the other troll slips into the trenchcoat and mercifully buttons it up. Only then does he feel safe enough to actually look at her when he speaks, finally allowing him to notice the book she's clutching in one hand.
"You're into romance novels? I didn't know wild douchebags had time to pick up a decent book in between ripping the throats out of everything with a pulse."
"What are you talking about?"
"The book you're holding in your own grimy hand. What the fuck else would I be talking about?"
Karkat is met with nothing more than a flat stare, an action which he unconsciously mimics for a few moments. It takes him approximately that long to realize that someone following migratory animals in their wriggling day suit is probably not going to be able to read, let alone appreciate cultured works such as The Troll Notebook. It's a stupid enough mistake to make him want to slap himself in the face several times.
"How the hell have you avoided being culled for this long? This is nearing legendary levels of stupidity and I hope you know that. I guess that's one more unnecessary problem I'm going to have to fix tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?" Her face perks up, this time in hopefulness.
"Yeah, tomorrow. My thinkpan's not rotted out enough to try and teach you the intricacies of reading without a good day's sleep to steel me. Go find somewhere to curl up and enjoy your last few hours of complete ignorance before I completely eradicate it."
With a huff Karkat makes to ascend the stairs again, stopping only to cast a withering glance down at the dozing Pounce.
"For the record I blame you for this entire debacle."
The lusus merely purrs contentedly at him, prompting an incredibly mature huff from Karkat before he climbs upstairs for the last time in the day.
The girl falls asleep next to the warm fur of her lusus, lulled into unconsciousness by the sounds of Karkat arguing viciously with his own over the unexpected visitors.
In the nights that follow (days in plural, despite Karkat's insistence every morning that this is the last one) Karkat learns several things about his guest - she does in fact possess a name and that it is Nepeta, his clothes are just a little too big for her, and she isn't as dull as he'd initially assumed.
Karkat supposes that the final discovery isn't particularly shocking; she'd have to be reasonably clever to learn anything from the likes of him. Although he does his best to remain calm, it's far too easy for him to become irritated with any difficulty she encounters on her path to literacy and descend into frothing rage. Fortunately sometime during the second day of this Nepeta develops a remarkable penchant for ignoring him and continuing to scrawl out lines of letters, resulting in a strangely tranquil atmosphere despite the vitriolic diatribes.
Their current lesson is devoid of such antics so far, a rare event which indicates that the rest of the night ought to be fairly peaceful. Nepeta has finally moved on to learning words, a miracle which Karkat praises up and down as the second coming of Troll Will Smith himself. To celebrate this momentous occasion he's tasked her with mimicking simple sentences written out in the ratty gray notebook that's been serving as their blackboard.
"Next one: 'I love you.'"
"I love you." Nepeta repeats, just a little too sincerely to be a simple confirmation of his request. Karkat misses both this and the adoring look she shoots his way, too busy viciously circling penmanship mistakes she's made.
She doesn't echo any of his sample sentences again, and the lesson continues on in relative silence.
"Hey, get up. Time for you to stop mooching off me like some kind of sentient parasite and gallop back to whatever shithole you came from on all fours."
Nepeta ignores the command initially, preferring to roll over and nuzzle her face into Pounce's fur instead. When Karkat begins nudging her unkindly in the ribs, however, she finally makes a displeased noise and sits up, if only to give him a sullen look.
"Don't give me that look. I've been retarded enough to let you overstay your welcome by an entire week, you've got absolutely nothing to be upset about."
"I know that! But that doesn't mean you need to be so grouchy about it."
He makes a scoffing noise at that and turns around to fiddle with something on the couch; with the opportunity wide open Nepeta makes the most of it and pulls an extremely obnoxious face at his back in protest of her rude awakening.
"Shit like this is exactly why I'm not going to miss your sorry carcass when it finally clears out of here. But just to make sure you never come back I'm going to stoop to pathetic levels of dumbassery and bribe you."
Items are being tossed at Nepeta's head before the speech is even over, although luckily the heavier members of the group land in her lap rather than connect with her skull. She pulls what seems to be another shirt off her horns and holds it up curiously - the symbol on this one is one she'd recognize anywhere.
"I'm letting you keep the pants and coat because they're shit anyway, but if you think I'm going to let you cavort around with my sign while you're slicing up your next throw rug you're even more mentally handicapped than I'd thought. So put on the one with your own goddamn sign and I'll burn the shirt you've been wearing after you leave."
It's a touching gesture, especially considering the time-consuming discussion that explaining what the hell a symbol was in the first place had been. Nepeta clutches the shirt to her chest, intending to thank Karkat for the unexpected generosity. However, she only manages to spit out a single syllable before she's railroaded - it seems that her bribe inventory hasn't been completed just yet.
"Not to say that you aren't completely ass-backwards as it is, which is why I'm giving you what's probably the first real piece of technology to grace your blood-soaked hands. There's even a note taped to the back on how to use it in nice small words because I'm so damn gracious like that. I even set up a Trollian handle for you so you could avoid branding yourself with something idiotic like feralTrollgirl."
He crosses his arms over his chest, clearly satisfied with the stellar job he's done in ensuring that her shadow will never darken his doorway again. Nepeta is silent for a moment, turning the tablet over in her hands a few times.
Before he can say anything else she leaps up with unexpected speed and captures in a hug far too vigorous for someone of her stature, eliciting enraged shouts from him as she nuzzles into his shoulder.
"Thank you thank you thank you, Karkat! I'll take supurr good care of efurything, I purromise."
The joyful outburst continues until Karkat manages to pry her off of him, shoving just a little more violently than is really necessary. It doesn't do much to diminish her good mood, even when he points angrily to his door.
"Guess what asshole, you just used up your very last goodbye point! That means you receive the default prize of get the fuck out of here right now, congratulations!"
With one last giggle Nepeta finally acquiesces and trots out the door, Pounce languidly following behind her after giving their host one last unwanted leg rub. She reaches down to scratch her lusus behind the ears, impervious to the ridiculously loud slam resounding behind them.
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] --
CG: HEY.
CG: ALTERNIA TO CATGIRL, THE DINGING SOUND OF YOUR COMPUTER MEANS PRETEND TO BE A NORMAL TROLL AND CHECK YOUR MESSAGES.
CG: IT'S BEEN THREE DAYS, YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY LIVE SO FAR AWAY THAT YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN BACK TO YOUR OWN HIVE BY NOW WITHOUT BEING DISTRACTED BY AN ESPECIALLY COLORFUL BUTTERFLY AND FOLLOWING IT RIGHT OFF A CLIFF.
CG: IF THE REASON YOU AREN'T ANSWERING IS BECAUSE YOU'VE BROKEN THE DAMN COMPUTER ALREADY I'M GOING TO HUNT YOU DOWN MYSELF AND BEAT YOUR SKULL IN WITH THE STUPID THING.
CG: THERE WILL BE A TABLET-SHAPED DENT IN YOUR HEAD FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE TO ALWAYS REMIND YOU NOT TO MISTREAT MODERN TECHNOLOGY.
CG: IT WILL BE A MARK TO OTHERS NOT TO BE AS MIND-NUMBINGLY INSENSITIVE TO THE RARE GENEROSITY OF OTHERS SO THEY CAN SAVE THEMSELVES FROM A SIMILAR FATE.
CG: NEPETA COME ON, WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR DEAL.
CG: JUST ANSWER ME ALREADY.
AC: :33 < oh my god you were purretty worried werent you!
CG: WHAT
CG: NO
CG: FUCK NO I WASN'T WORRIED, I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU DIDN'T GET CULLED A FEW FEET FROM MY HIVE. IT'D BE PRETTY EMBARRASSING TO HAVE THAT KIND OF SHIT JUST HANGING AROUND.
CG: ALSO COULD YOU HAVE PICKED A MORE OBNOXIOUS QUIRK? I CAN PRACTICALLY HEAR THAT STUPID LUSUS YOWLING EVERY TIME YOU REPLY.
AC: :33 < pounce says hello to you too, h33h33! she misses you already
AC: :33 < but ok ok you werent even a t33nsy bit worried
AC: :33 < im here and im purrfectly alive! i was just busy making room fur my latest kill
AC: :33 < its kind of impawsible to do that and pay attention to the computer, sorry
CG: TYPICAL. I DON'T KNOW WHY I THOUGHT OTHERWISE, REALLY.
CG: GREAT TO KNOW YOU MANAGED TO DEFY THE EVOLUTIONARY ODDS AND ACTUALLY MAKE IT BACK TO YOUR HIVE, I GUESS.
CG: NOW THAT I'VE AFFIRMED THAT YOU HAVE NO REASON AT ALL TO EVER TROLL ME AGAIN.
CG: THERE IS LITERALLY NOTHING WE COULD EVER NEED TO SPEAK ABOUT THAT WOULD BE MUTUALLY IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO INITIATE ANOTHER CONVERSATION.
CG: BUT I DID FILL YOUR CHUMP ROLL WITH THE TAGS OF SOME DOUCHEBAGS THAT I ALREADY KNOW SO YOUR COMPUTER TIME ISN'T TOTALLY SPENT ON REFLECTING ABOUT HOW MUCH OF AN ISOLATED CRAZY YOU ARE.
CG: YOU SHOULD GO BOTHER CENTAURSTESTICLE FIRST, I BET HE'D GET A REAL BIG KICK OUT OF YOU.
AC: :33 < purrhaps i will!
AC: :33 < im sure that whoefur youre furiends with must be purretty fun to talk with if they can k33p up with you!
AC: :33 < i just hope theyre not all as grumpy xDD
CG: UGH. NOT EVEN THREE MINUTES INTO THIS CONVERSATION AND THOSE HIDEOUS PUNS ARE ALREADY PUNCHING MY OCULAR GLOBES LIKE I INSULTED THEIR LUSUS.
CG: I'M GOING TO GO DO SOMETHING MORE INTERESTING AND POUND MY FACE INTO THE CLOSEST WALL A FEW TIMES.
CG: DON'T GET KILLED ON YOUR NEXT HUNT, I GUESS? OR WHATEVER IT IS YOU DO OUT THERE.
AC: :33 < h33h33 alright karkat, ill talk with you again soon!
AC: :33 < (which is defurnitely going to happen, i'm pawsitive)
CG: WHATEVER.
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] stopped trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] --